My thoughts....
Warning!
Ok, this is another of my complains... may be it's a whinning... you can choose not to read it if you dun wanna hear me complain... lol
I was giving some things a thought.... I suddenly realised something that has always happened to me... Dunno why, but it did happened... shitz... All my life, err... 23 yrs at most, I've gone thru alot with the word love... ok ok, perhaps it's crush or one-sided love, since there was nv a start. It seems to me that, every gal who I like ultimately turns me away in some way or another... sometimes the excuses used to reject me were utmost depressing. Most of the time, I would go thru some very hard period, trying to pick myself up... which took too long to recover...
I told "Darling" once before, my heart is shattered into pieces... everytime that I put the pieces back together, another person shatters it once more... bits and pieces they are... harder to put back as the number increases... All whom I have given my heart to, are those who kill it... sometimes I wonder, why do I wan to feel this way? Why muz I like/love someone... haiz... It does seem like my heart is dead... becoz now there's no one in my heart, except for 2 most important women in my life... my mum and my god-sis...
But suprisingly, I realised something.... these few months, I've been hanging out with a few people, female friends in particular. I dunno why, but I'm always happy when I'm out with them, eating, shopping, drinking, anything! I juz feel very happy and at ease wif these people ard me. How come it's these people who bring laughter and smilez to my life, lesser the burden on my heart and helping my heart heal bit by bit?
It's so contradicting... people who I love turn out to be the ones who hurt me the most, while those people who I care for (mostly friends, some very close ones) are the ones who bring me happiness?
Argh.... all the more that makes me puzzled.... does this mean that love is out of my agenda already? Hav I given up all hopes to love another? My friends are always the ones bringing me happiness, do I really need to fall in love? to feel pain and hurt once more? hmmz... I really wonder if I will ever fall in love again... Will there ever be anyone who'll change this thought of mine? we shall see....
Ok, this is another of my complains... may be it's a whinning... you can choose not to read it if you dun wanna hear me complain... lol
I was giving some things a thought.... I suddenly realised something that has always happened to me... Dunno why, but it did happened... shitz... All my life, err... 23 yrs at most, I've gone thru alot with the word love... ok ok, perhaps it's crush or one-sided love, since there was nv a start. It seems to me that, every gal who I like ultimately turns me away in some way or another... sometimes the excuses used to reject me were utmost depressing. Most of the time, I would go thru some very hard period, trying to pick myself up... which took too long to recover...
I told "Darling" once before, my heart is shattered into pieces... everytime that I put the pieces back together, another person shatters it once more... bits and pieces they are... harder to put back as the number increases... All whom I have given my heart to, are those who kill it... sometimes I wonder, why do I wan to feel this way? Why muz I like/love someone... haiz... It does seem like my heart is dead... becoz now there's no one in my heart, except for 2 most important women in my life... my mum and my god-sis...
But suprisingly, I realised something.... these few months, I've been hanging out with a few people, female friends in particular. I dunno why, but I'm always happy when I'm out with them, eating, shopping, drinking, anything! I juz feel very happy and at ease wif these people ard me. How come it's these people who bring laughter and smilez to my life, lesser the burden on my heart and helping my heart heal bit by bit?
It's so contradicting... people who I love turn out to be the ones who hurt me the most, while those people who I care for (mostly friends, some very close ones) are the ones who bring me happiness?
Argh.... all the more that makes me puzzled.... does this mean that love is out of my agenda already? Hav I given up all hopes to love another? My friends are always the ones bringing me happiness, do I really need to fall in love? to feel pain and hurt once more? hmmz... I really wonder if I will ever fall in love again... Will there ever be anyone who'll change this thought of mine? we shall see....
posted by CK at 22:07
<< Home