I dunno..

Every relationship will have its ups and downs... once again we were quarrelling over something, and now I am having lots of thoughts too... I want to write it all out but lao po does not like to know things without them coming from my mouth, that is to write it in my blog and getting to know it only from here.

Neither do I like to know things only when I read her blog... sometimes I read things I feel v down... I dunno... I feel lost, sometimes I feel I need to talk to someone about it... but I dun wish to let other people know too much about my stuffs... I'm still learning and growing in this relationship, but I am a novice here... tt's why I feel lost...

I better not write le, the more I write the more I feel bad...

Despite the bad times we might have, I love this girl more than anything, I wan to spend the rest of my life wif her...

Holding Hands

I came across this in Shaolong's blog. It seems like he got it from Zida's blog... I also found it very meaningful and as you can guess, I am re-re-posting it here. LOL

"A little girl and her father were crossing a flimsy bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."

The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."

"What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, age, caste or creed but in its BOND. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours."

I agree wif it too. Like wat Shaolong said, don't wait, don't expect. Reach out for his/her hand, before you miss that chance and regret it for the rest of your life. =)
I know I didn't miss that chance, I reached out... *smilez*

GEK Trip!

Today (29Jan) was our module's field trip to Changi Broadwalk and Chapel/Museum. Woke up very early ah... too long nv wake up so early le... (no morning classes wat..) B'coz by 8 am have to be in campus. Met Lao Po before we actually went to the meeting area but the group only left campus at 835am... waste my time... lol...

We went to The Broadwalk first. Not too bad, saw some "nature" stuffs and the beach... took a few pics.. kekeke... Then later went to the new ferry terminal and saw a whole new image of the ferry terminal... changed alot since the last time I went Ubin wif my JC classmates... time flies.. Our tutor (I think) talked about a spit but I didn't know wat the hell it was until the end of the 1st part of the trip.. lol... the pics will tell later...

Lastly we went to the new Changi Chapel/Museum... I went to the old one b4, so this didn't seem too interesting to me. Besides, Lao Po came here before during her JC days... waste of time? heehee...

The trip ended around 12 and we went back NUS and had lunch. Then we went home to bath and met at Toa Payoh... heehee... wanted to buy the "so called" famous Roti Boy that was a craze in the past (not too long though)... got it for Lao Po's parents to try too! heehee... then we also buy a toilet roll holder (I dunno wat to call it!)... looks very cute! now it's in my room! hohoho...

though the day was long, waking up so early in the morning, it was fun going for the trip! heehee.. esp when my Lao Po is wif me... it makes the boring trip into a fun one! hohoho... ok lah, so late le...still dun sleep will kena scolded one... I also want to sleep soon... my hair drying le... lol...

Here are some of the pics:


Changi Beach Club... heehee... no one there so early...


I thought it was the "spit" initially, so took a pic of it! But it isn't!!!


The new ferry terminal... can u see the old one that has red roof tiles?


Lao Po and me, wif the "spit"... lol...


This was taken at the Sailing Club... omg... Lao Po looks so "forced" to take the pic! kekeke...


There! I hope you can see the scenery behind! That's the real spit! It's juz a salt/soil/sand sediment... chey....

I Will Always Love You
by Broady

If things with us
Shall never work out
And I pray to God that they do
I want you to know from the pit of my heart
That I will always love you

The way that you walk
The way that you smile
The things that you say in my ear
The way that you laugh, your dress and your style
Are a few things I choose to hold dear

For when I am cold, alone and unloved
I know you'll be there to hold me
For when I am lost, blind and cant see
I know you'll be there to show me

Our love is so strong, with glue it is held
It feels as though nothing can sever
I'm here with you now, today and tomorrow
For now and always forever

A 7 letterz of love by KiTtIe

M y dreams of a little girl came true...when
Y ou step to my life

L oneliness took over my life before you came in
O nly you took that pain away
V ividly do I remember I never believed in
E verlasting love

4 I was wrong

Y ou changed my whole world around
O nly you taught me what real love was about
U are the only one who told me "my love is for you"

Another week has gone by...

Well, the week's gone by in another blink of the eye... lectures, tutorials, blah blah blah... the same usual stuff tat bores most undergrads... the week's boring, but I'm definitely glad that Lao Po and I are getting well already... though not totally fit, we're getting much better... and I'm so happy! *heehee*

Life's nv been the same, the semester is totally different from the past... it has been a great time being with the one I love, and I know it will be in days to come... the time together and the feeling between us... what can I say? PRICELESS...

Though things are great now, I'm still trying to change into tat better person. It'll take time but I'm glad Lao Po's patient about it... I want her to be happy, coz when she's happy I'm happy. that's all I want for now... and I can't wait till then... 6 yrs... kekeke...

DreamDestiny.com

Came across this site and woah! It has some great comiz! Do take a look, undergrads will find it familiar! kekeke....


http://slackerscomic.com/

Wu~

Lao Po, this is the buffet I told you about... wu~ until Feb 28... *drools*

A Chance To Change

A candle's weak mysterious flame
Warms up my heart on stormy nights
I realize it's me to blame
For all the crazy, angry fights

I want to ask you to forgive
For what I've said for what I've done
My love is all I have to give
I'll try to change, I will try hard

I realized you're all I have
There's no one else that close to me
Give me a chance and understand
That only you can let set me free

So I'm looking in your eyes
Asking you to break those chains
Chains of guilt and chanins of lies
Please use your enchanting ways.

"I don't want you to give me the world;
I want you to share it with me."

A Hopefull Plight

In all the stary worlds above to the eternal bliss of love, We have all endured times so tough, That if a single star were to shine so bright to then simply fade from light, Like a heart in full bloom from a love so real.

We are all mere mortals on a quest for love, not to be judged upon for our mistakes in our lives. I know alot of the past of my life is hurtfull not only to you my love but to me also.

We know eachothers past, A past for us both on different reasons growing under such horendous conditions, Think for a moment on what we have not in our past but in our future.

We all have faults in our lives no matter who we are, I could be poor out on the street with nothing to offer but a heart that beats.

A heart aches in pain and crys in a river of tears more than what you realise, it feels when it speaks to you as tho it is not believed when for so long you have captured it and taken care of it. If a heart has never loved you then look at mine for i know deep in my soul that our love is for ever more.

In any case Lao Po, above all my faults, all i ask is that you can find the forgiveness needed to forgive me for all the terrible things. As I truely don't know how much longer I can go on with the upbringing of a past that in contrast i have to endure.

People will try and take it away and try to hurt us even more for this, I wish it would never happen, I am making it known to the world how i feel for you in my heart and deep in my soul, in hindsight my love all i ask is that i be forgivin for all my faults to embrace them and love me more for them instead of hateing me ever more.

I love you and i allways will, you are my one and true love, I hope you hear my plight for forgiveness as i have a endless love that forgives and embraces your faults to love you more and more with each passing day.

Hear my plight my Angel from far above, I do not love anyone nor will i ever be able to love anyone like i love you, unconditional love no matter what you have my love, Answer my prayers my Angel and forgive me for everything.

I've been an idiot...

The first week of the new semester has passed... I dunno but it seems very dull... Lessons are juz as boring as usual... but the only thing that keeps the week going was meeting Lao Po for dinners... either she will be waiting for me, or the other way around.

But several things happened this week, many of which I tend to realise it was my wrong doings... perhaps or maybe I got so used to my single life where I used to do things without consideration, making last minutes decisions, living my life like no body else's business... there are many more I guess... These habits have made me a horrible companion, it juz seems tat watever I do I make someone unhappy... someone so important in my life, and yet I keep doing it without even realising it...

I dunno why I'm like tat... I really want to change myself, I'm no longer single and I can't live my life in that manner anymore... It's not rite and I know tat. I've got someone now who is so important and concerned about me, I juz can't decide things my way and end up hurting her all the time... I have been so selfished... I have... I know I am a horrible boyfriend... this I admit.. but I'll change...

I got to change, I love her and I can't bear to see her getting hurt... if I continue to stay the way I am and hurt her, I can go and die... coz then I would have been a bastard...

Sweet Sweet day!

Today Lao Po came over and we cooked dinner together... cooked simple food but the feeling was great! And I got to eat something really nice! Yum yum! Err.. and Lao Po ate my horrible cooking... lol...

Knowing that the one you love is cooking for you is one of the best feeling in life.... it makes me feel so blissful... heehee... very mushy again... kekeke...

Sorry Lao Po!

Err... ok, think my last post turned out to be quite unpleasant... I read the comments and felt like a spark is about to start a fire... omg... please, nothing serious is happening!

Thanks JS for commenting, Actually I'm at fault. My Lao Po will not know if I'm sick if I didn't tell her coz it was over the night. And I didn't want to let her become worried. So no one else is to blame but me, coz I kept it a secret in the first place. Pai seh pai seh... let u worried.

Lao Po... I'm sorry that I didn't let you know about my condition. But I really didn't want you to get worried, you were ill and I believe that you shouldn't worry about other things. But then again, I wrote that post and you realised it from my blog. I know that you are angry at me for not letting you know first hand, and I indeed am wrong for doing that. I'll nv keep such things from you again... I'm sorry...

I'm ill...

Yesterday woke up, my brother already started wif painting the ceiling... so I bobian, after a quick breakfast do also... do ah do, till 5 plus... wif only lunch and 2 short breaks... my whole body aching.. very tired and very seh...

But in the afternoon, I sms Lao Po... she told me she was ill. I was very worried but I couldn't leave things unattended, as this painting thing has dragged too long and the family decided to get it over wif. So I told her to rest first and I'll come over in the evening...

Then in the evening I went over and tabao porridge for her, but she still had a fever. I got a cloth and wet it and tried to "sponge" it on her forehead and neck. Trying to bring her temp down. But when her parents came home, they told her to see a doc. So I went wif her to Yishun's 24 hr clinic. Was at the clinic for quite a while, alot of pple seem to be sick... very bad...

after tat, I sent her home and soon I went home myself... suddenly on the bus I felt very uncomfortable... my throat was unocomfortable, and I became feverish... I didn't want Lao Po to worry about me so I didn't let her know when we were both online later yesterday nite. She was already sick and doesn't need to worry about anymore things... Ard 12 plus I went offline and popped panadol to bed...

today I woke up wif a soar thoart and a slight fever... still ok, but definitely ill... but I'll live... Then come up to net to check if tutorial registration started liao or not... but I juz saw Lao Po's blog, I didn't see it last nite coz I wasn't doing anything online except talking to her. But now I feel so useless... when she's ill I couldn't be by her side at the very minute, letting her be alone, weak and feeling terrible... she wrote that if "she died, no one will know"... I read liao I feel so useless, and have failed to do wat a boyfriend ought to do... I dunno how to feel now... deep down in my heart I feel very depress, very terrible...

Enlistment

It was a surprise to me, 3 people I know have their family member going for enlistment today... 6th of January 2005. The day which will turn the boys into man, hopefully. Both my friends' younger brother, Xiuli's and YingJun's, went to Tekong today. It seemed like it was about the same timing, and yes the 2 young lads were in the same company, Hawk Comapny. As for the 3rd person, actually I'm closer to the person being enlisted.. he is my cousin, Benjamin Ong. Of course tat makes the person I know my auntie! lol... my cousin also went into Tekong BMT today, but I forgot to wish him to the best! omg... perhaps coz I was tired so I forgot about it totally.

But families these days shouldn't worry too much about their boys who are going army. Frankly to me, I believe the army is becoming a sissy one... So much more $$$ and yet serve less 4-6 months. Not to include less training! Shitz... I still remember my 1st ICT I go back kena treated like recruit, then see the NSF units so slack... nothing to do... wtf... lol, good life... haiz... times have changed. Especially after the "water" incident. I dunno abt the inside system, but it has been like tat all the while, yet one accident led to the army saying:"Orh, cannot like tat one.. not suppose to do one" (my way of saying la) Please lah, so many yrs dun tell me they dun noe... diaoz... so yes, after tat incident... army has become a Gu-niang camp... sorry lah, I juz feel tat way... lol...

So, XL, YJ and Bee-yi... no need to worry for them. Guys will hav to go thru this phase of their life. Juz let them enjoy their time there, trust me... they'll curse and swear now, but after NSF, they'll remember them as gd times... like I did, though there are many other bad times... kekeke... Now juz wait for the 3rd weekend, the parent-visiting day. Do bring a camera! Take photos of them BOTAK! lol... buy them lots of food! No pork please! Tekong is Halal place!

So here juz wish the 3 young lads a good time at Tekong! Enjoy your training there and learn the traces of life! Drink more water!

A tiring day....many thoughts though...

Went to bed ard 1am... was kinda tired and I had to wake up at 7am to go to campus for a module briefing talk.... But I dunno why, I woke up at 4am to pee... then sub-consciously I on my comp and internet and read Lao Po's blog... read her post named "Haiz"... Read liao felt very "cheng xim" (heart ache)... Lao Po had talked to me about her past before, so I understand how she felt when she wrote this post.. I also very pissed and angry with those bastards who have made her life once painful and miserable... Lao Po's such a nice girl and she should nv have been treated as such... Sometimes I really want to punch those IDIOTS! .... But doing so changes nothing... the past is in the past, nothing can change wat that has happened. I would rather everyone look towards their future rather than keep on reminding themselves of the past. Living in the past holds no future at all... the past only serves as memories to tell us not to repeat the unpleasant things in life, not to do them once again. While good and happy memories ought to be keep in the heart and mind forever (coz they make u happy!), we still have to look into wat the present and future holds... this is wat I believe. Now that Lao Po has entrusted her love to me, I promise her that I'll love her and I'll do whatever I can to nv to break her heart... I am not like those f*cking bastards! And I would nv want to be like them!

So after reading Lao Po's post, I felt really uncomfortable and "cheng xim"... Couldn't go to sleep even after an hour of lying on my bed... really cannot fall asleep... Really felt very "men" in the heart... so I decided to juz go to campus... I tried not thinking about it during my journey to campus... I couldn't really sleep in the bus (which I usu. do), I felt so tired... exhausted... but once reached campus I went to check on CORS again. Damn, nothing I can bid for... I still lack 1 module for the semester... dunno wat to do le... damn sian esp. plus the fatigue... But I still "dong" till the module briefing.

The briefing was rather interesting, I realise the technical elective I'm doing this semester is quite fun and interesting... But I started to feel "lonely".... now my coursemates all taking different electives, we wun be like the previous 3 semesters where we did most modules together, having so much fun and laughter... joking around here and there... Times like those will nv be like it used to be this semester... esp. since some coursemates are on IA, SEP, NCO, etc... and I realised at least 3 of them will be graduating the next semester (sem 7)... leave us earlier by 1 sem... haiz... will really miss these people in my course... times have changed... friends will have to leave me coz of different pursues, it's a transition phase that I have experienced many times. From Pri sch to Sec (went alone there), Sec to JC (gd frends all go poly), I dun say army lah, in NUS (common engineer yr 1 gd friends all go EE while I go BIE)... SEE! all the while is like tat one! lol.... but really hope that we all can keep in contact... esp. those really good friends of mine... Da & Xiao GFs (Good Friends), SK2, Jason, JS, etc... You all really made the past 3 semesters enjoyable! lol...

Then after the briefing, some of us went to Biopolis for a company trip. Had to attend a briefing, or rather a lecture! Wah... I almost fell asleep... I'm still the old me... cannot tahan lectures one... kekeke... eyes were always trying to close... plus I so tired liao...lol... but lucky "dong" all the way... then went to look ard the company, Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology (IBN). It was rather interesting but well... most of us know our prospects in the field and once again I felt very sian... after graduating, wat can I do? Bioengineering degree but I doubt I can get into this field when there are so many 1st class honours around... competition so high.. haiz... the future seems so uncertain even if I graduate... lol...We even talked about competiting for the position of washing test-tubes there!!!! DIAOZ.... I so tired can still joke so much... so unlike me... heehee....

The company trip ended and I went to meet Lao Po for dinner... tired but meeting her made me feel alot better... I think if I didn't meet Lao Po, I would have collapse somewhere to sleep le bah? lol... fatigue fatigue... kekeke.... tired tired, thinking too much le... haiz... better sleep le... kekekekeke.... The hols going to end le... muz enjoy to the fullest!!!!

!@#$%^&* CORS!

Have been doing bidding for the past week or so... damn sick of NUS's admin staffs (for the late allocation of mods and poor information relay) and the horrible CORS bidding system... Perhaps I'm in such a mood because I couldn't take a particular module for the 6 consecutive semesters!!!!! ARGH.... It's so ridiculous... FNA1002E... how come u so hot? so many people bid for you? lol... Though it's frustrating to not be able to do something you want, sometimes it's better not to go head on to fight for it. There could be adverse consequences... But foruntately, I have the best backup plan by the 8th sem... I'll throw all my bloody pts onto that mod... see who can beat me... LOL.... time to conserve bidding pts..

Ok lah, I'm not really angry or wat lah... but juz dun like to do this type of bidding thing... 6th semester le.. still hate this current system... but well NUS undergrads have no choice at this matter... so have to bear wif it... 3 more sems of doing this!!!! lmaorof... Tahan tahan... Juz hope I can manage to get 2 other mods for this sem! Really dun feel like searching for mods for now... besides, it seems like my plan to do double specialisation cannot be done coz the prof says that one mod can only be used for one area of specialisation... meaning no double fulfilment... sucks... it's the same mod but cannot... so I dun care abt my original plans le... lol...

Take life as it goes! Heehee...

Lovely lovely 2nd month anniversary...

It's our 2nd month anniversary! Wonderful wonderful day... Went out with my buddies too, but they realise it was our 2nd month anni... so in the evening, they pang se us... lol... Lao Po and I keep searching for them... but they run away le! Kekeke... so the evening was our 二人世界...

I must say this: "Thanks brothers, you 3 have been extremely understanding... I really appreciate all that you all have done." *salutes*

The evening was special... It was wonderful time being together, wif Lao Po... snuggling and speaking wif each other... letting words from the heart out... a special moment of bonding... I realise how much I love this girl and how important she is in my heart... Recalling the past 2 months together and the days of dating and outings together brings back memories... very very lovely, very very blissful...

老婆, 有你在我的身边, 我很幸福... 我爱你

My thoughts... deep within my heart

Didn't do much today at home, so had time to sit down and slowly think about things... and then post this.
During my blog abuse incident, which is still taking place, I recall some thoughts of mine that I had all this while...

"You can do anything you want, just make sure that in the process no one else is hurt or harmed..."

This has always been my believe coz no one wants to be involved in any peoples' stupid actions... It's their consequence, not ours... people always say. Everyone's self-centered, I wun deny tat I ain't... but if whatever that I'm doing doesn't directly or indirectly hurt/harm anyone else, then it's ok wif me to do it... even though I may be the one to be hurt/harm myself. Any actions taken by one should never inflict pain, harm or sadness to another... I believe in the circle of life... where wat you do will finally turn back at you... this is known in Buddhism or even most religions as retribution... What ever bad you commit in this life will be returned to you, if not this life then the next...
So in life, try not to do anything to coz others trouble... You may say that I'm trying to do the impossible, coz basically most things in life will have an indirect effect, but I believe that watever I do, the effects on others should nv be unpleasant at least... If there should in any case be, then you should at least step out to acknowledge it and apologize for it. If compensation is required, do so in your ability.

Another belief of mine is:

Confucianism says that "Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you" (Analects, Book xii, #2)

I'm a friendly guy... almost everyone, or anyone, can be my friend... I'll treat everyone, even strangers with respect... And if you treat me with respect, I'll naturally treat you back wif equal or even more respect. I never liked to make enemies, being friends or even acquaintances is what I prefer in life. More friends means more support, esp. those buddies who go through thick and thin wif you all the while. I'm very grateful that I have found a few of such buddies already. But dun cross the line, if someone evers takes advantage of this friendliness or respect of mine, it'll end instantly... I dun make you an enemy unless you make me one. No one wants an enemy...
Hence treating others in a way you want to be treated is indeed what I strongly believe. If you dun ill-treat me, I definitely wun do so to you. But if you do ill-treat me, it will have to depend on the situtation... I can be very forgiving... but sometimes, some people are juz not meant to be treated with such equality, respect and dignity. Once you cross tat line, I will never give such rights to these people...

My stand:
Whatever I do, I try not to get others involved, esp. when it involves risks...
Anyone can be my friend, I welcome you wif warm arms... but dun cross my line! lol...

Why are there such childish scums around?

This post is due to the event of irritating scums who have invaded both my blog and my Lao Po's blog. For new readers to my blog, the blogs

http://www.yellowaura.blogspot.com and
http://www.szeki.blogspot.com

which belong to yours truely, Edmund (me lah) and my girlfriend(whom I call as Lao Po) have become innocent victims of abuse (in the comments section) by some irritating pests and scums.

I had been very patient wif these people for a period of time, however it seems like they do not know when to quit and not to be an irritation to people... I have been forced to change my comments section property to only registered users... and removing the chances of people and friends from posting any comments, whether gd or bad... BUT NOT AS SUCH OF AN ABUSE! especially for such prolonged time (from the time they started to abuse my Lao Po's blog till now)...

Writing Anonymous comments had been quite an irritation already... but now they have stooped so low, AND I MEAN BOTTOM LOW..., to impersonate me to post comments on my Lao Po's blog... haiz... Trying to reason wif them is like giving sewage rats a bottle of fine wine to sample... I have given up reasoning wif them coz they are juz hopeless.... Any further attempt to do so is trying to bring me down to their level... which totally disgusts me...

As Lao Po said in her own blog comment, these so called Anonymous are juz CHILDISH and COWARD... I dun wan to sound vulgar but I still wanna say this:

"GO SUCK A BANANA, YOU GUTLESS BITCHES... GET A LIFE!"

Happy New Year!

Simple post here... Had a wonderful time going thru the end of 2004 and the start of 2005 wif my gang of good buddies, and their partner, for over a decade! It was esp. great coz Lao Po was able to join us! We had mahjong session, dinner, pool session and a drinking session! Simple but really enjoyed such time wif my old gang of buddies, and now wif Lao Po too... it was juz great...

2004 ended on a fine note for me... Hope 2005 will be a great one!

May all our (intended for good, and not harming others) wishes come true!
Happy New Year!